Fake It 'Till You Make It
18 things from other sports that LIV Golf needs right now
Hector Vivas
Season two of LIV Golf is officially underway. This weekend, Charles Howell III topped the leaderboard in Mayakoba followed by big-name superstars like Peter Uihlein and Branden Grace. If you’re a golf casual, this is probably news to you, and for LIV Golf therein lies the problem. It’s hard to find—streaming on the same app your niece watches ‘Riverdale’ reruns on—and even harder to care about. With 13 more tournaments in 2023 and the splashy new signings drying up faster than Lake Mead, LIV Golf will need to get creative to keep the Twitter eggs tuning in. What can they do to actually change professional golf, not just slap a different coat of paint on it? How can they build a product so damn good that people forget about its problematic origins? Perhaps by borrowing a few things that we know and love (and, of course, loathe) from the sports world at large…
A Trade Deadline: Nothing would cure the mid-season doldrums like the 4 Aces trading Dustin Johnson to Torque in the dead of the night to jumpstart their rebuild. Plus we would get to watch DJ try to learn Spanish in real time. Talk about appointment television.
Booth Reviews
Kevin Sabitus
Someone Who Believes the Earth Is Flat: This is a Kyrie Irving joke.
Stephen A. Smith to hold a decades-long grudge against a specific team for no reason
Brooks Koepka to enter a four-day darkness retreat to find himself: If he sees his shadow when he emerges, there will be six more weeks of winter.
A Points Strokes-Shaving Scandal
Warren Little
SEC Ball Coaches Instead of Captains: Sure, Martin Kaymer is a thrill a minute, but wouldn’t the Cleeks be more fun if they were led by a guy wearing a neckbrace after wrecking his hog with a 25-year-old student-athlete coordinator on the back?
Speaking of which, Lane Kiffin, just Lane Kiffin
Commissioner Vince McMahon: On second thought, maybe cameras in the cheerleaders’ locker room wouldn't fly in 2023.
A Player Dating a Kardashian
Darts Atmosphere: Pints are on Poults.
Enforcers: Guys with limited golf ability who exist simply to beat up other guys with limited golf ability.
Homer Announcers
Teams Trying to Blackmail Taxpayers Into Funding New Stadium Courses: Rumor has it the Crushers could be heading to Vegas …
Random Drug Tests
Mascot Races: What could be more American than watching a Brooks bobblehead trip foam Bryson while chowing down on dollar dogs in the bleachers?
A Pitch Putt Clock: Because 54 holes still isn’t short enough.
Transfer Portal: A portal for the players enter when they realize they’ve made a huge mistake and just want to transfer back to the PGA Tour.