Tiger Takes Manhattan

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Tiger Takes Manhattan

November 11, 2007

Unable to decipher the difference between vente and grande, Tiger opts to buy the entire Starbucks chain and re-names the sizes small, medium and Tiger.Unable to decipher the difference between vente and grande, Tiger opts to buy the entire Starbucks chain and re-names the sizes small, medium and Tiger.

Relax, this won't be nearly as painful as the back-waxing.Relax, this won't be nearly as painful as the back-waxing.

I'm sorry, sir, you're a bit too tall for this ride. Please set the parking brake and get out.I'm sorry, sir, you're a bit too tall for this ride. Please set the parking brake and get out.

John McEnroe: He has no clue who I am. Tiger Woods: You had a show? On television?John McEnroe: He has no clue who I am. Tiger Woods: You had a show? On television?

Secure in his manhood, Tiger slow dances with a man in the lobby of the Virgin Megastore. Oh, I get so lonely on the road. Just hold me; I'm an empty vessel of emotion. You smell heavenly! Is that Aramis? Jovan Musk? Adidas Adrenaline?Secure in his manhood, Tiger slow dances with a man in the lobby of the Virgin Megastore. Oh, I get so lonely on the road. Just hold me; I'm an empty vessel of emotion. You smell heavenly! Is that Aramis? Jovan Musk? Adidas Adrenaline?

Weary of the limelight, Tiger insists on making his way through New York City in something understated.Weary of the limelight, Tiger insists on making his way through New York City in something understated.

Ever the competitor, Tiger sinks a difficult putt and crushes the spirit of 4-year-old John Bigelow IV.Ever the competitor, Tiger sinks a difficult putt and crushes the spirit of 4-year-old John Bigelow IV.

Press here and you get a 155-foot yacht. Press the one below it to become an instant gazillionaire. Pretty cool, huh?Press here and you get a 155-foot yacht. Press the one below it to become an instant gazillionaire. Pretty cool, huh?

Can you believe this kid thought he could beat me? I'm Tiger Woods!Can you believe this kid thought he could beat me? I'm Tiger Woods!

Get out! You watch 'The View'? I love 'The View'!Get out! You watch 'The View'? I love 'The View'!

As you requested, Mr. Woods, we'll be leveling those 20 acres of Central Park and erecting your condo, with a personal golf course.As you requested, Mr. Woods, we'll be leveling those 20 acres of Central Park and erecting your condo, with a personal golf course.

I'll take Manhattan....No, seriously, I'll take Manhattan. Do you take American Express?I'll take Manhattan....No, seriously, I'll take Manhattan. Do you take American Express?

While Tiger enjoys a stroll through Central Park, he orders his man to take his clubs to lunch.While Tiger enjoys a stroll through Central Park, he orders his man to take his clubs to lunch.

Conan O'Brien: Dyed Tiger stripes in his hair. Get it? Tiger Woods, ladies and gentlemen. Explain this to me again: You hit a little white ball with a stick, and they pay you how much?Tiger: He's talking about MY hair? Has he looked in the mirror?Conan O'Brien: Dyed Tiger stripes in his hair. Get it? Tiger Woods, ladies and gentlemen. Explain this to me again: You hit a little white ball with a stick, and they pay you how much?Tiger: He's talking about MY hair? Has he looked in the mirror?

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