Calling Doctor Love
August 12, 2020

Stephen A. Smith thinks they should have conjugal visits in the NBA bubble

One thing about #BubbleLife no one is talking about is sex. These guys have more junk food than the Willy Wonka factory, a lake stocked with prize bass, and shoes as far as the eye can see. They have pool and ping pong and golf and even a barbershop. But one thing that hasn’t been addressed is getting undressed, if you know what we mean, which you probably do as long as your name isn’t Ben Shapiro.

History tells us that when adult human beings confined in close quarters are denied of this basic animal function for too long, bad things start to happen, but thankfully Stephen A. Smith, Love Doctor MD, has a plan:

Conjugal visits.

Ladies and gentleman, ‘First Take’ has officially peaked. Sure, we would love to hear Max, Molly, and the whole crew debate LeBron vs. Jordan until the sun burns out, but some days you gotta mix it up. Some days you gotta call in the big guns and say, hey, remember that bubble sex B-block we were kicking around the other day? Let’s go with it.

And holy cow, what a day it was.

Like most things that come out of Stephen A.’s mouth, we’re not sure if this is genius or complete lunacy. On one hand, there’s pretty much no better way to spread infectious disease than having sex. On the other, well, you end up with a Lou Williams scenario, who didn’t break quarantine and go to a strip club just for the wings. We don’t have the answers—answers are soooo 2019 anyway—but we do know this:

Your move, Silver.