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Josh Jackson’s NBA bubble snack stash is out of this world

NBA bubblelife got off to a rocky start, especially on the culinary front. But while J.R. Smith continues to wrestle with expectation vs. reality and Richaun Holmes serves out the remaining week of his quarantine after breaking the bubble to pick up delivery, the food situation—and overall morale with it—has started to turn around down in Magic Kingdom. Players have settled into new routines, unwilling to let a few pieces of mealy produce stand between them and some good old fashioned camaraderie. Kent Bazemore even busted out the griddle to whip up some flapjacks and sausages for the crew on Wednesday morning. You unironically love to see it.

But while Baze’s breakfast nook is going strong, it pales in comparison to the snack stash Memphis’ Josh Jackson has amassed in his sweets suite. Dental hygienists, viewer discretion is advised.

Honestly, this is one of the single finest junk food spreads we’ve ever laid our unworthy eyes upon. You’ve got four bags of chips, including a family size Lays Classics—great both on their own and as a sandwich topping—and nacho cheese Doritos, quite possibly the GOAT of all chips. You have a giant bin of strawberry Twizzlers (none of that pull n’ peel crap) perched atop what appears to be a vat of Fireballs behind a box of Fruit Roll-Ups stacked on top of a package of Reese’s and what appears to be more Twizzlers. For quick fuel, you also have creamy Jif peanut butter and apples, which is a healthy snack that delivers on the sweet and savory fronts time and time again.

That’s just the top of the table too. Beneath one discovers six boxes of cereal, from Cinnamon Toast Crunch to Captain Crunch Oops All Berries! Also lurking is a second box of Fruit Roll-Ups, but don’t let that distract from the two giant package of Top Ramen and a formidable Snapple supply lying just to the east. Needless to say, this puts Terrance Ferguson’s bubble breakfast of champions to shame.

So hats off to Jackson’s mom (or whoever put this care package together.) It covers all the major food groups—candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup—and reads like an Eagles greatest hits CD of name-brand American junk food. So next time you go to order a salad, ask yourself this: What would Josh Jackson do?