Charles Schwab Challenge

Colonial Country Club

Up In the Zone

DJ Steve Aoki skies one to Dorchester, delivers new contender for worst first pitch in baseball history

The once-celebrated first pitch has become a bloodbath. A suicide mission. Maybe it’s the fact that not every kid grows up playing Little League anymore. Perhaps it’s just #TheBall. But whatever the case, it seems like one in five first pitches these days are flaming, jump-the-tracks trainwrecks.

We’ve seen 50 Cent …

We’ve seen Mariah Carey …

We’ve seen photographers maimed

And now, thanks to DJ Steve Aoki, we’ve seen a Fenway Park come under mortar fire.

This is what happens when you’re overly concerned about bouncing one. You fixate on it for days and days. You do 'Rocky' training montages with your throwing arm. You wind up and lean back, but instead of spiking one, you sail it over the netting and into someone’s nachos. In fact, we’d be impressed by Aoki’s arm strength if weren’t still in awe over his lack of depth perception. Home plate is right there, 60 feet and six inches away. Aoki sailed this one at least 100 and the audible gasp from the Fenway faithful, as if Billy Buckner just let it dribble through his legs, says everything you need to know.

So congratulations Mr. Aoki. You are now part of an exclusive—but growing—union of first-pitch victims. Group meetings are on Wednesdays. Coffee and light snacks will be served. See you there.