Seven months after Rob Gronkowski's retirement, three months after everyone stopped assuming he would be back by training camp, and a few weeks after tearfully recalling how football had ruined his life while hawking CBD supplements, the inevitable has finally come to pass: Rob Gronkowski will be joining Fox as a full-time football analyst beginning on Thursday with, you guessed it, Giants vs. Patriots. While the Bristol braintrust surely flirted with keeping Gronk in New England alongside former Pats like Teddy Bruschi, Damien Woody, and Rob Ninkovich, Gronk's brash, body-shotz personality seems like a natural fit on Fox, where he'll be spending his golden years shouting across a desk at Skip Bayless's reanimated cadaver.
But while it seems like a good idea on paper, adding a live wire like Gronk to a football lineup that already features Aikman dousing fools in gasoline from the booth while Terry Bradshaw and Jimmie Johnson shout "HUH? SAY THAT INTO MY GOOD EAR!" in the studio, could be the spark that set's Fox's house of football cards ablaze. So if you're wondering what could possibly go wrong with this match made in football heaven, well, just use your imagination.
Gronk piledrives Bradshaw in WWE promo, Bradshaw out for season
Gronk uses Jimmie Johnson's toupee as frisbee for impromptu game of ultimate on the quad
Gronk says "booty juice" (O/U 5.5 times this season)
Gronk rips off suit to reveal Patriots uniform, runs down sideline screaming "put me in coach!"
Gronk bests Colin Cowherd in battle of wits
Gronk revives Booger Mobile while high on Tide Pods, runs down Erin Andrews
Gronk paralyzed in Bills Mafia pregame segment
Gronk talks politics
Gronk becomes Jason Witten
Not matter what happens, though—no matter if Gronk brings a chimpanzee hopped up on Monster Energy to the set or plays Natty Light Hard Seltzer pong with "Post Mahomes" while espousing the great and powerful truths of Scientology—one this is certain: Gronk will be must-see TV.