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The Mad Scientist

We watched all 45 minutes of Bryson DeChambeau's latest video so that you don't have to

June 14, 2021

Something that has become quite clear during this Brooks Koepka-Bryson DeChambeau saga: "Brooksy" is willing to take this thing as far as it can possibly go. Bryson, on the other hand, wants to fold his cards, cash out and go home.

Well, it's not so much "go home" as it is the fact his focus lies elsewhere, be it with his own game, his body, his diet, his plan for world domination, etc. The evidence of that lies in his latest YouTube video, which runs 45 minutes long and features a grand total of zero mentions of Brooks Koepka. Of course, it is possible that it was filmed before the rogue eye-rolling video, and the subsequent chants of "Brooksy" at the Memorial Tournament.

Wheter or not that's the case, it's still obvious DeChambeau wants no part of it, something we can attest to after watching all 45 minutes of his latest video so that you didn't have to. There is no discussion of a feud, no pot shots, no acknowledgement of any Koepka-sized elephant in the room. This video was strictly about Bryson's "SECRET WEAPON," also known as Greg Roskopf, founder of MAT (Muscle Activation Techniques).

If you'd like to watch it yourself/have absolutely nothing better to do for 45 minutes, have at it. We're not stopping you. If not, though, we jotted down some of our very important observations from another eccentric video starring the one and only Mad Scientist/Incredible Bulk.

Bryson legitimately thinks he's going to change the world

Here's how the 45-minute video starts:

So right off the bat, a rather large declaration, and a refrain you hear throughout the video. "We're changing the world," "we're changing lives." It's a very admirable thing to want and attempt to do as DeChambeau is doing, and he really believes he's going to. Nothing but respect for that, of course. Has my life changed in the half hour since watching this all the way through? Absolutely not, but I'm assuming he means if you dive headfirst into this whole MAT thing, that's when it will. I have no current plans to do so as I munch on my second chocolate chip muffin of the day.

There are no actual exercises in the video, just a lot of mumbo jumbo

If you're hoping to get a few workout routines or stretches from this video, you're out of luck. It's really just 45 straight minutes of DeChambeau having Roskopf explain his MAT program, how it's helped Bryson and other athletes, in addition to regular people both old and young. Most of it is trainer mumbo jumbo, and at times it sounds like they were speaking a different language. At one point, Roskopf was describing how we react to our hand touching a burning stove, and he said we quickly take our hand off the burning stove because "the central receptors in my peripheral system that send feedback to the nervous system because I cant see what’s going on. The nervous system creates a motor response to contract the muscles to get your hand off of it so you don't scold your hand."

And here I was thinking I pull my hand away from a burning stove because... it's a burning stove.

Bryson loves telling you that you don't understand what he is talking about

I'm sure I'm not the first person to notice this, but you really notice it when you watch this full video. He does it in press conferences and interviews, too, but you'll hear him say it countless times here - "I know this is hard to understand guys." Is he sort of right? When it comes to the terminology they use, yes, but at times it feels like they are just using these ridiculous words and phrases for the sake of using them, and so that Bryson can say "I know guys, it's A LOT to take in!"

"That's a big word, guys!" said DeChambeau when Roskopf mentioned it, and whoever edited the video made sure to really shove it down our throat. A quick Google search tells us prostaglandins are a group of lipids made at sites of tissue damage or infection that are involved with dealing with injury or illness, which seems to be the gist of this entire program he and Roskopf are selling us on - dealing with injury, illness and trauma in the muscular system. So far, it seems to be working for DeChambeau, who claims in the video that he feels like a teenager again at 27, something he couldn't say in his early 20s when he dealt with a lot of golf-related aches and pains. MAT has supposedly helped him correct those muscle imbalances, and allow him to perform at his peak. Anybody else can do it, too, so it's lot like he's selling us snake oil here, even if that's the vibe he gives off by constantly reminding us we can't possibly understand it.

Word of the day: Modality

If you had over 0.5 on mentions of Brooks Koepka, you caught a huge L. If you had the over on mentions of the word "modality," or "modalities," you cashed with ease. How many times was it said? The limit does not exist. Bryson loves this word more than Orgain protein shakes, so much so that I'm surprised he hasn't broke it out during a tournament week yet. Will be stunned if he doesn't mention it at some point at Torrey Pines.

The hilarious irony of this video

For nearly an hour, Bryson and Roskopf are breaking down a program that has helped him avoid injury, correct muscle imbalances, recover from the demands of his sport and working out, and the whole time DeChambeau can't seem to get comfortable as he sits awkwardly on this massage table. My back began to ache just watching it:

This is just a small sampling of the constant fidgeting and re-adjusting for position he was doing throughout this interview. Hey, we've all been there, but some of us weren't explaining how to avoid aches and pains like he was here.

We need a "No Context Bryson" Twitter account and we needed it yesterday

Watching some of the faces he makes, the stuff he says, both in these videos or on the golf course or with the media makes you realize just how much of a content machine this guy is. A "No Context Bryson" Twitter account would do Barry Bonds-type numbers, in my humble opinion:

Damn, I may have to create the account myself before someone steals this content gold mine.

The video editing could definitely use some work

Sincere apologies to the person who edits these videos (it might just be Bryson himself), because we aren't trying to get anybody fired, but whoever it is could at least use a little guidance. At times the background music is so loud you can't hear what Bryson or Roskopf are saying, and the B-roll is often questionable at best. Some of it included him just looking at his phone or taking a picture of plants with his phone or him filming the sky ... with his phone. Essentially, filming a guy filming / documenting stuff. That's, uh, not how it works:

Riveting stuff there. This video had trouble deciding what it was - a sitdown interview with Greg Roskopf, or "48 hours in the life of Bryson while he works out with Greg Roskopf and also interviews him." I know his recent "A Week on Tour" video has actually done quite well, so it's not like whoever produces these videos doesn't know what they're doing. This one just felt awkward at times.

Bryson is a huge hand motions guy

That's it. That's the observation.

This video is Brooks Koepka's personal hell

Everything Koepka despises about DeChambeau can be seen in these 45 minutes. Brooks at least wants to come across as a "see ball, hit ball" type guy (only Dustin Johnson can truly pull it off), which is why he loathes this notion that Bryson is changing the game, thus loathing the attention he receives from supposedly changing the game. If he watched this, which is possible given it does seem like Bryson lives in his head, he very likely may have blown a gasket each time he heard DeChambeau say he was going to save the world or change everyone's life. Koepka wants to simplify everything, which works very well for him, whereas Bryson wants to make things seem much more complex than they are, and thus sound smarter than everyone by doing so. It truly is the perfect rivalry should it continue to play out, as much as DeChambeau wants to ignore its existence.

It's impossible to deny DeChambeau's passion

Say what you want about this certified nut job, but you simply cannot deny how passionate he is about his new lifestyle. You also cannot deny that it's working. He's become a prolific winner, he hits the absolute sh-t out of the ball, he's not yet had a serious injury (something you can't say about a certain 'rival' of his, cough cough) and he basically does every single thing he puts his mind to. If you are able to sit through that whole video, that might be your big takeaway too, in addition to now knowing what the words modality and prostoglandins mean.