The Loop

Golf-themed gender reveal dramatically improved by below-the-belt KO

If the internet is any indication, 60% of all gender reveals end in divorce disaster. Whether it be a simple swing and miss or a literal bomb that sparks a wildfire and gets you sued by the state of Arizona for a cool 8 mil, there's a good chance that if you're finding out the gender of your child the same time Twitter is, things went very, very sideways. Hell, even some of the successful examples—like this Louisiana iteration starring an alligator and a watermelon—constitute a fail by most working definitions of the term. Thus when Johnny Golf here decided to tee it up to discover the gender of his little Tiger and/or Annika, you just knew something wondrously, awful was going to happen and, sure enough, it did. Gentleman, ice packs at the ready.

Now any idiot on earth knows not to stand directly downrange (or safe stage left/right, depending on your buddy's miss), so unfortunately the blame for this heat-seeking crotch shot falls solely on the crotch shotee. Adding insult to injury is the fact the happy couple probably weren't too happy their brick-brained friend's plums, and not their new son, became the talk of the afternoon mimosas either.

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But eventually the swelling will go down and the little brat will bask in gifts and frosting and Nickelodeon for as long as his tiny brain can fathom. Order will be restored to the universe and feeling to this man's loins, and everyone, even the internet, will forgive and forget. In the meantime, we anxiously await the upload of that second angle. Come on guys, the world needs to see it.