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Quote god Dan Campbell says he scouted the Vikings on MNF by getting fall-over-in-his-chair drunk

September 20, 2022
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Kevin Sabitus

This week, on the heels of the Lions’ first win of the season, a competitive Week 1 performance against the Eagles, and a summer of ‘Hard Knocks’ hi-jinx, a clear narrative has emerged in Detroit:

Dan Campbell is building something.

The football thinkpiecers of the internet aren’t wrong either. Dan Campbell is building something in Detroit. That something just so happens to be the greatest quote empire football has ever seen.

That was the Lions’ self-anointed alpha male on Tuesday morning when asked how he scouted the Minnesota Vikings during their MNF showdown with the Eagles. Instead of giving your typical coach answer—some vague mumble of lukewarm verbal oatmeal—Campbell instead told reporters he got pants-sh*tting drunk and woke up unable to read his own jibberish.

Was he joking? Almost certainly. But Campbell’s whole allure is blending character and reality, fact and fiction, into one blurry ball of soundbite. Does he really want players to bite off their opponent’s knee caps? Probably … not … literally. Can a human being ingest his alleged daily Starbucks order and live to tell the tale? America’s best doctors are skeptical. Did he actually pass out drunk in his chair watching Monday Night Football like the rest of America? No, but he was sure as hell drunk in spirit.

Who knows what happens when Campbell’s gift of gab goes from ingratiating to grating. The bottom could fall out fast. But let's hope it’s not anytime soon. Like we said from the jump, Dan Campbell is building something in Detroit, and we can’t wait to see (and hear) where it goes.