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The Loop

Gotta Be Simms

Chris Simms' quarterback draft rankings are so bad they managed to get Kellen Mond trending (KELLEN MOND!)

March 03, 2021

Michael Reaves

We’ve covered Chris Simms’ lists before. Say what you want about his football IQ (or lack thereof), but the man is VERY bad at making lists. If he were Santa Claus, the bullies would get PS5s and the nice, quiet kids a lump of toxic coal. When he goes to the grocery store for milk and eggs, he comes back with three bags of brown rice, one jackfruit, and squid ink. His weekend to-do list only has one item on it: “Burn my own house to the ground.” That’s how bad this dude is at lists. But if you needed even more evidence, Simms happily obliged on Wednesday, dropping this absolute dud into the ravenous internet feeding pen.

So you’re going to notice Zach Wilson at number one and Trevor Lawrence at number two. Granted, Simms is just evaluating NFL readiness here, not where he thinks they actually fall on the board, but in some ways that makes it even worse. Would it blow your mind if the Jaguars passed on the sure thing for some Josh Allen-armed stud slinging it all over the place at Mountain West altitude? Nope, they’re the Jaguars. But to sit there and say, objectively, that Wilson is a better player than Lawrence, well, that’s just brainworms.

ANDDDDD that’s not even what we’re really here to talk about. We’re here to talk about Simms’ list being so bad that it did the impossible: For a fleeting and glorious moment in human history, it got Kellen Mond to trend. Kellen. Mond. Ladies, gentleman, non-defining. We have officially seen it all.

Simms has the Texas A&M quarterback fourth on his board in one of the more top-heavy quarterback draft classes in recent memory. Namely, Mond, who threw just eight more touchdowns in four years at A&M than Justin Fields did in 22 games at Ohio State, is ranked ahead of the Buckeyes QB, who just ripped Clemson to pieces in the national semifinal, going 22-28 for 385, six touchdowns, and one interception with a full rack of destroyed ribs. How did Mond fare in a big time top-15 matchup with Dabo and co. back in 2019? Let’s go to the tape.

That right there is why some people hate football. Imagine that was the first game you ever saw, either as an innocent kid or some soccer-loving transplant from across ye’ old pond. You would instantly erase the sport from your mind and never think of it again. Yet here Simms is, calling Mond an elite NFL prospect in front of the entire world, straight face and all. What’s left of the mind boggles.

So please, someone—ANYONE—over at NBC Sports, keep Simms away from the list machine. Let him have the graphs and the charts. Hell, even a venn diagram or two. But for the good football—FOR THE GOOD OF AMERICA—we beg you: No. More. Lists.