Magic Mel

Mel Kiper Jr., questionable NFL talent evaluator, just dropped the People’s Elbow on NFL talent evaluators

February 25, 2021

Guess what, America? It’s NFL Draft Season! The most wonderful time of the year here in football land, where the takes are the hottest, the rumors the wildest, and the possibilities virtually endless. Will Russell Wilson get traded? Are the Jets going quarterback at no. 2? Is DeVonta Smith the next John Ross? Trey Lance the next Carson Wentz? Who knows! Maybe! It’s a great time to be alive, that much we are certain of, and it’s made even better by the annual return of Mel Kiper Jr. to our TV sets. Like the Easter Bunny on Easter, each year Kiper Jr. rises from the dead to regale us with visions of the football future. Sure, most of the time he’s dead wrong. Yes, his football time machine is really just a cardboard box in his mom’s basement. But facts are of no hindrance to Magic Mel, who enters each spring ready to leave haters, scouts, and that ol’ dum-dum Todd McShay trembling in the wake of yet another fiery warpath.

On Thursday, said warpath began in earnest with this instant classic rant on NFL talent evaluators, of which he is, obliviously, part and parcel. Good to have you back, Mel.

Well folks, we hate to break it to you, but that should be it for the young man known as Justin Fields. National Championship runner-up. Perennial Heisman contender. Presumptive franchise quarterback with arguably the best tool set of the draft. None of that matters now. Kiper, and his stent-bending takedown of the NFL scouting establishment have put an end to all that, just as he did to the likes of Johnny Manziel . . .

. . . and Jamarcus Russell before him.

But still, you have to admire commitment, conviction, and awe-inspiring lack of self-awareness. That’s precisely what makes this time of year so great. Plus, when noted football guru Dan Orlovsky claps you off, you know you can’t be wrong. Nobody evaluates Ohio State quarterbacks like him, after all.