Off-Speed Stuff

Bryson DeChambeau throws out first pitch at Chicago White Sox game, could use a little more zip on his fastball

September 14, 2022

Last week we marveled as John Daly, a spry 56 years old, clad in flip flops, fired one of the cleanest first pitches we’ve ever seen from a professional golfer at a St. Louis Cardinals game. For most mere mortals, throwing out a first pitch in front of a stadium full of baseball fans is enough to induce nightsweats and a Prilosec dependency. For Daly, it’s roughly the equivalent of opening a can of Diet Coke.

We didn’t realize just how impressive Daly’s pitch was, however, until Tuesday night, when fellow Bash Bro Bryson DeChambeau took the mound ahead of the Chicago White Sox's game against the Colorado Rockies. We expected DeGrom-like gas from the LIV Golf pro—a mad scientist in the realm of 200-plus mile-an-hour ball speeds. As it turns out, we didn’t even get Daly.

Don’t get us wrong. It’s not awful. It’s no Mariah Carey, 50 Cent, or even Jordan Spieth. He gets it there, it’s roughly over the plate. Viral disaster averted. But we’d be lying if we said we didn’t expect a bit more from the world’s beefiest physics professor. At his no-necked peak, this guy was crushing six protein shakes a day and eating 300-yard forced carries for breakfast. Now the best he can muster on the mound is a Little League changeup? Come on, B-Dawg. Put some zip on that thing.

On the bright side, at least he wasn’t facing Eloy Jimenez, who launched a three-run missile into the seats minutes later. If that had been DeChambeau’s meatball, it might have landed halfway to Rich Harvest Farms.