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Bill Belichick's innovative new approach to sweatpants is driving the internet wild

December 17, 2019
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Another ho-hum Tuesday press conference, another viral Bill Belichick moment. Tired of them yet? HELL NO YOU'RE NOT. You never know what's coming next. It's like one of those choose your own adventures, except Bill tells you exactly what do. Maybe he forgot Andrew Luck retired! Maybe he storms off when asked questions about the sociopath he signed! Maybe he expresses his undying love for the game of football! Maybe he's just going to say the name of a city over and over again until he passes out from exhaustion or is allowed to go free! Whatever the case, it's must-see TV, as Billy boy proved once more on Tuesday with his most audacious move yet:

Rolling his sweatpants up.

A subtle, but viciously effective power play that had the whole of the internet cuffing their collective stretchy pants in a matter of minutes.

But if you think this fit is a coincidence, then you know nothing about the ways of the great Darth Belichick. Bill's new drip comes just a day after he denied any and all knowledge of any and all knowledge relating to Spygate 2: Full Throttle. Are you going to accuse an old man in sweatpant capris and rest home sneakers of orchestrating an elaborate conspiracy? Are you going to challenge an unhinged drifter in rolled-up sweatpants on his forthrightness or lack thereof? If you answered no to both of those questions, then perhaps you see the same thing we do: These aren't sweatpants at all. They're a giant middle finger.