Tales from Topgolf
January 13, 2020

Alexander Ovechkin, the best player on the Capitals, is also the worst golfer on the Capitals

Ah, the old office Topgolf outing, a trainwreck as old as time. If you don't get a range ball sliced squarely between your eyes by Judy from accounting after one too many sangrias, then you're left conscious to survive the hardos, who think Judy from accounting will be impressed by their 7.2 handicaps. Everybody loses, nobody wins, and somebody is sure to leave with a bruised ego, if not some actual welts. Just ask New York Jets LLC if you don't believe us . . .

But old habits die hard, and this weekend the Washington Capitals seemed doomed to repeat the mistakes of those before them, heading to Topgolf for their 4th-Annual Wish Upon a Par charity outing. Little did we know, however, that seemingly the entire Caps roster can swing the damn club, with the likes of Nikas Backstrom, Jakub Vrana, and Tom Wilson all showing off their silky moves for the camera.

And that doesn't even include T.J. Oshie, who was a playing at a cool 6.1 the last time we checked in on him. There was one casualty of the Caps' little golf odyssey, however, and ironically enough, it was the their best player Alexander Ovechkin, who, um, well, let's just say his on-ice stickhandling hasn't exactly translated to the CC setting.

The Big Easy he ain't, but when you're bedecked head-to-hoe in urban camo (and doing the whole thing for a good cause) then you can hack it however you want. Those are the rules, folks.

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