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Xbox launches greaseproof controller, which humanity has somehow survived this long without

September 06, 2018

Golf courses are delivering cheeseburgers by drone. Sex bot uprisings are a genuine concern. You're reading this on a tiny flat planet in the palm of your hand. Humanity has ground many a technological milestone into dust over the course of the last decade, but none greater than this:

What you see before you is the world's first totally greaseproof Xbox controller—a triumph of ingenuity and literal elbow grease from humanity's preeminent maker of grown-up things for children and childish things for grown ups. Released by Xbox Australia in conjunction with the full console debut of PlayerUnkown's Battlegrounds (or PUBG for the ITK), the "Greaseproof 1.0" sports PUBG's commando color scheme and is hand laminated with grease, scratch, and water resistant urethane. Each of the 200 editions in existence are personally numbered and celebrate PUBG's "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner" slogan by being able to withstand an onslaught of KFC takeout.

If you want to claim your own, head over to the Xbox Dundee Facebook page and share your greatest PUBG triumph for a chance to win. Everyone else, good luck and god speed. May the Cheeto dust be light and the wet naps never dry.