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Maize and Boo

Tom Brady is writing checks with his mouth about Ohio State that he can’t possibly cash

October 22, 2021

Did you know that in 22 seasons as a National Football League quarterback, Tom Brady has never faced an opposing quarterback from Ohio State? It’s a remarkable stat that’s set to come to an end on Sunday, when the Michigan Man's Bucs take on the Justin Fields-led Bears. On a very basic level, it speaks to the ineptitude of Buckeyes quarterbacks in the big leagues, at least relative to the program’s other positional exports, and when asked about the renewal of this blood feud on the professional stage on Thursday, Brady made sure to point that out.

Sports Illustrated and a bunch of other Brady bootlickers are going to tell you this "hot fire" and slather it in 100 emojis. These people, including Brady himself, apparently know nothing about football. Let's highlight this portion of Brady’s quote. Please listen closely.

“Lot of Michigan guys over here. Not a lot of Ohio State guys.”

TOM, WHAT PLANET ARE YOU LIVING ON? Let’s assume for a moment that Brady is just talking about starting quarterbacks, because, you know, that’s what the stat was about—STARTING. QUARTERBACKS. Since Brady was drafted by the Patriots in the year 2000, Troy Smith, Dwayne Haskins Jr., and Justin Fields have all started meaningful professional football games under center for big-market franchises. Other Ohio State quarterbacks like Terelle Pryor and Braxton Miller earned significant time at the wide-receiver position. We’re not saying any of these guys were (or will be, in the case of Fields) good, but they were out there.

As far as non-Brady Michigan signal callers are concerned, you’re looking at Chad Henne. That’s it. That’s the list. Brady alone balances the scales and the narrative that Ohio State quarterbacks suck at the pro level is absolutely 100% accurate, but to sit there grinning through your holistically whitened teeth and say that their Maize and Blue counterparts are out there slinging it around in 60,000-seat stadiums every Sunday afternoon is a level of delusion that defies belief.

And that’s just quarterbacks. Let’s assume for a second Tommy Boy got confused, the ol’ egg a little scrambled after years of battery pajamas and treating sunburns with water. Let’s assume he meant just NFL players in general, which isn’t what the original stat was about, but he’s old and a little senile, just go with it. How would a statement like that hold up in a court of football law? Well, since 2000 here are the top-five college football programs in terms of first-round NFL draft picks:

Alabama - 37

Miami (FL) - 33

Ohio State - 32

Florida State - 24

USC - 23

Michigan has 15, less than half of what the Buckeyes have produced and even with Wisconsin, if you’re wondering what their true level is.

So yeah, we're not exactly sure who or what Brady thinks he’s talking about here. Maybe he’s just reading off a pre-approved joke script written by some Twitter numb-nut who doesn’t know the first thing about football because at this point Brady’s entire life is pretty much just a promotional video for some upcoming iteration of The Match. Or maybe he'll just say anything because he knows there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that this check will bounce on Sunday. Right or wrong (fwiw, he’s objectively wrong), we're still taking the Bucs by a million.