Tiger vs. Phil: The ultimate, fall-asleep-by-8-pm drinking game for "The Match"
Ask anyone what their favorite day of Thanksgiving week is and you'll likely get a split down the middle between Thanksgiving eve and the actual Turkey day. Frankly, both answers are incorrect.
By far the best day of this glorious holiday week is Friday, the day about nothing. You don't have to be anywhere or see anyone and you sure as hell don't have to change out of sweatpants or leave the couch. This year, in addition to your standard slate of college football, you also get "The Match" between Tiger vs. Phil. The golf gods were smiling upon you when this was being scheduled, because it's practically begging you to sit on your ass, drink and continue to stuff your face with zero judgement.
But if you plan on watching "The Match" with friends, or just want a reason to pound some brewskis, then we've got just the drinking game for you. Adhere to these rules and we promise you'll be in for a rollicking time (or you might be dead by the time they reach the 12th tee). Enjoy "The Match" responsibly everyone.
"The Match" Drinking Game
--If (when) Tiger shows up in red, take your first delicious sip. Same for if (when) Phil shows up in black. If Phil is rocking the long sleeve button-down, drink for five seconds
--Any time Tiger adds an "-ey" to the end of a word, take one sip
--Any time Peter Jacobsen says something blatantly obvious, like "match play is just so much different than stroke play," drink for three seconds (we call this #JakeGold)
--Any time a commentator overlaughs at one of Tiger or Phil's forced jokes, take a sip
--Any time one of your prop bets hit, drink as long as you'd like. Cash money!
--For every Tiger club twirl, take a sip
--Any time any commentator refers to the fact that they are just 20 minutes away from "The Strip," drink for three seconds
--Any time a commentator refers to these two as LEGENDS, drink for five seconds
--Any time a commentator says Phil's "not afraid of a gamble," drink for three seconds
--If Phil refers to any of his drives as a "hellacious seed," chug the rest of your drink
--Any time Tiger or Phil curse, drink for three seconds. Because this is PPV, they claim there could be some serious profanity, though we doubt it. If the F-bombs start to fly though, apologies in advance
--Any time Charles Barkley says "that's turrible" about anything, take a sip
--Any time any commentator refers to this "HISTORIC" match, drink for five seconds
--Any time they cut to a pre-filmed fluff piece, drink for 10 long seconds and have another TV on to watch football during this time
--Any time any commentator mentions the awful Tiger-Phil pairing at the 2004 Ryder Cup, pour one out for Hal Sutton
--If there is a million-dollar side bet made, finish your drink
--If either of them makes an eagle, finish your drink
--Any time a commentator says the winner will have "bragging rights," drink for five seconds
--Any time you see an old curmudgeon golf writer offer their meaningless two cents on how they have no interest in "The Match" on Twitter, tweet back at them to have a drink. They desperately need it
--Any time someone references that Phil is the "underdog," drink for three seconds
--Any time Phil does some awful dad dance move, drink for three seconds. If he wins and does the worm, you might jus die from second-hand embarrassment. No need to drink:
If you look like this Saturday morning, then you did good:
Enjoy "The Match" everybody!