Debbie Downers
April 20, 2020

There's lots of Michael Jordan love going around, so let's remember the time he airmailed a first pitch at Wrigley Field

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We here at The Loop are sticklers for parity. The only thing we love more than a dynasty is the team that ends it. The only thing we admire more than the superstar is the sleeper. We strive at all times to promote balance in the sports universe which is why today, less than 24 hours removed the premiere of ESPN's 'The Last Dance', the internet absolutely gorging itself on three-decade-old Michael Jordan highlights, we feel compelled to share this little gem. You might be surprised to learn that #23 is human after all.

Airmail city. This thing landed in Peoria. Sure, it's not as bad as Mariah Carey or Fifty Cent, but remember, this is the same guy who once "quit" basketball to "pursue" his "dream" of becoming of a professional baseball player. We all know how that worked out—thirteen months later MJ was back in the NBA, going on to win another trio of championships—but still, he should have been good enough to put one over the plate for ol' Sammy here (not that Cubs fans in the 90s were used to seeing anything different.)

So apologies and condolences. We hate to break up the Jumpman jamboree, but sometimes the truth is more interesting than the, um, non-truth (if you really think Mike left that hotel room that night, then we have some prime Florida swampland to sell you). And speaking of non-truth, can we stop pretending that Scottie Pippen, a guy who made well over 100 million dollars during his career, is poor? That would also be great, thank you.