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Head Ball Coach

Steve Spurrier welcomed Texas and Oklahoma to the SEC with a few classic Steve Spurrier potshots


Tyler Smith

Steve Spurrier’s got a way about him. The Head Ball Coach knows exactly how to say something mean through a friendly smile. He’s as nonchalant as The Dude and as precise as Ethan Hunt. You won’t even know his missiles are coming until you’re digging yourself out of the rubble. Ask any SEC football fan. They’ll tell you to sleep with one eye open and an ear to the ground, because you never know when he might strike.

Texas and Oklahoma are new to this whole SEC thing, however. They have a lot to learn about Southeastern Conference culture and football. On Thursday, they learned their Spurrier lesson the hard way when the former Gamecocks and Gators coach sat down with the Orlando Sentinel to take a few potshots at the SEC newcomers like he was shooting a BB gun off his back porch.

First up was Texas:

“I can understand Texas jumping over,” he said. “They get to play Texas A&M again. They get to … they can’t win the Big 12 anyway. I think they’re only won two in the last 30 years or so. What is it?”

The answer to Spurrier’s rhetorical question is three. Texas has won three national championships in the 24 years the Big 12 has existed. Not one to let incidentals get in the way of good barbecue, however, Spurrier then turned his attention to the Sooners.

“I’m sort of surprised [by] Oklahoma. I just don’t think they’re going to come over to the SEC and win with any regularity the way that they win the Big 12. Their fans might say, ‘Yeah, now we can beat Alabama and LSU and all these dudes.’ It may not happen like that.”

It may not coach. It really may not.

The funny part is that Spurrier already knows why Texas and Oklahoma have jumpstarted a Big 12 exodus. He even says it himself: “It’s obviously more money.” The funnier part is that he doesn’t really care either. He’s not coaching anymore. He doesn’t have to worry about hoofing it to Norman for a Saturday noon kickoff. He just wants to give Texas and Oklahoma a proper SEC welcome.

Nice to have you, fellas. Now eat sh*t and die.