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Things You Can't Unsee

The star of the Brady Bowl was Steve Belichick’s tongue

October 04, 2021

On Sunday night, on national television, less than a week after new reports of a feud with his former coach surfaced, Tom Brady, arguably the greatest American athlete to ever live, returned to the home of five of his six Super Bowls for the first time since jumping ship in March 2020. It was as big a regular-season football event as there has ever been, and, yet the star of the evening wasn’t Tom or Bill or Bruce or Bob. It was an outside linebackers coach named Steve.

Well over one million views in about 12 hours. Not too shabby. If you’re wondering why anyone cares that much, well, it just so happens that this fella with the mullet running his tongue over his teeth like he just came out of a Miami nightclub bathroom has the last name “Belichick.” Yep, he’s Bill’s son, and now he’s going viral just like his old man.

Obviously the gif-able applications of Steve Belichick’s performance on Sunday night are mind boggling and, in many cases, not printable here. This is a unicorn of sideline content, and we should all consider ourselves blessed to have witnessed it. Unfortunately, despite holding Brady and co. to under 20 points, S. Belichick’s defense/distracting expression gambit didn’t do quite enough to earn the W, falling 19-17 to the Buccaneers as Nick Folk’s 56-yard field goal doinked off the upright as time expired.

Who knows when Brady will ever return to Gillette Stadium, but let’s hope that if he does—waltzing through the gates like some 52-year-old football Dracula—Steve Belichick is there to greet him as head ball coach, tongue and all. Now that would really be a story.