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The Miracle of Contraception

Australian kayaker uses Olympic condom to fix her damaged kayak, wins gold, is your hero of Tokyo


Harry How

The only thing Olympic athletes like doing more than Olympic athletics is getting it on, usually at the Olympics. Netherlands admitted to having their very own sex room at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Sochi, where the IOC had so many condoms stockpiled there were approximately 37 per athlete. In Tokyo, organizers have cracked down on the casual hook-ups in order to combat the spread of COVID-19—with some even claiming the recycled cardboard beds were designed to be “sex-proof”—leading to an obvious excess of the reported 160,000 prophylactics made available to athletes.

That surplus paid dividends for Australian canoeist (kayaker? I don’t know, we can’t keep it straight either) Jessica Fox, who used a spare Olympics condom to make a last-second repair to her kayak last week. Let’s all marvel at various wonders of contraception, shall we?

Human ingenuity never ceases to amaze. But wait, it gets better. As it turns out, the rubber proved to be pivotal for Fox who, with her vessel in ship-shape, claimed a bronze medal in the K1 canoe slalom earlier this week followed by her first-ever Olympic gold medal in the women’s C1 canoe slalom on Thursday. That gold completed her medal set, also winning silver in the K1 at the 2012 Olympic Games in London.

Now that’s some trojan horse. Sorry, sorry, sorry. We had to.