Jalen Ramsey shows up to training camp in the back of a Brinks truck because reasons
For 18 teams, today marks the real start of the 2019 NFL season. Across the country, veterans and rookies have gathered for the annual celebration of camaraderie and heatstroke that we call training camp, and as always, a few players are rolling out the red carpet for themselves like a prom queen returning from summer vacation. So far, however, no one has managed to match the orchestrated idiocy of Jaguars cornerback and sentient headline Jalen Ramsey, who locked himself in the back of an armored Brinks truck for his grand unveiling on Thursday morning. If this sounds like a questionable idea on paper, well, just wait until you see how it turned out under the harsh magnifying glass of reality:
This, ladies and gentleman, is what we in the industry call un Unmitigated Dumpster Fire (UDF for short). It's starting to rain. Ramsey's hype man hypes him with all the enthusiasm of an actual armored truck driver. The metaphor is DOA, there are six people watching, and half of them seem to audibly boo as Ramsey opens the doors and shuffles out blinking like he was just blindfolded and delivered to a CIA black site. It's like a really sad combination of Jim Carrey birthing from the rhino in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls...
and Michael "The Magic" Scott getting stuck in his own straight jacket.
No seriously. If this isn't the most Dunder Mifflin moment in NFL training camp history, we honestly don't know what is.
In the meantime, while Jalen posts this to Instagram and insults your mother at his first press conference of the year, all eyes will be on fellow self-destructionist Antonio Brown to see what sort of entrance he will have cooked up for his inaugural Raiders camp. Thematically, we're guessing some sort of pirate ship motif, but if he arrives abreast some giant subterranean drill, we honestly wouldn't be surprised. At least he's already dressed for it...