Wrong PowerPoint, Jeff

This story about the Browns accidentally projecting porn in the team facility is peak Browns

January 24, 2019
Cincinnati Bengals v Cleveland Browns
Kirk Irwin

Maybe Baker Mayfield stunting on former coaches and an oh-so-close to .500 season fried the sport's world's memory like Tommy Lee Jones with one of those Men In Black flashlights. Maybe we just have the Giants now. Whatever the case may be, it seems like we've forgotten what a laughing stock the Cleveland Browns have been for the better part of this century...and that simply can't stand.

From tip to tail, the Browns have been the most dysfunctional, decrepit franchise in American sports for just about as long as future Browns quarterback Trevor Lawrence has been alive, and they do not—I repeat, DO NOT—get to wipe the slate clean with one 7-8-1 season. This is the Cleveland Browns we're talking about—a team who have started 30 DIFFERENT QUARTERBACKS in the last 20 years and literally get beat by themselves twice a season. They are an all-devouring ouroboros of incompetence, and if you find yourself doubting that for even second, just listen to this fun new story out of Brownsville this morning.

According to an ESPN deep-dive titled The clash of the Cleveland Browns: How Hue Jackson, Jimmy Haslam and Baker Mayfield collided, during the 2015 season (another standard 3-13 campaign, in case you were wondering), Browns' marketing masterminds devised a plan to monitor fan engagement by projecting a live feed of the team's social channels and interactions in the heart of Brownies HQ for all to see. One day, however, a selfless hero entered the hashtag #DP as a search term [MOM'S OF AMERICA, DO NOT GOOGLE THIS] hoping to check on the team's semi-infamous Dawg Pound. But instead of a closer look at the Browns' most hardcore fanbase, they ended up with hardcore porn streaming on a massive wall in the middle of the office for "more than 20 minutes" before a tech employee finally killed the feed. MORE. THAN. 20. MINUTES.

If this isn't the most Cleveland Browns thing you've ever heard, we don't know what is. This team can't not accidentally broadcast porn live in their own headquarters. And when they do accidentally broadcast porn live in their own headquarters, they broadcast extremely acrobatic porn and can't figure out how to turn it off for longer than the Thad Lewis era. Oh, and if you're wondering about the volume situation, the story doesn't specify, but probably Dolby Surround Sound cranked to eleven and pumped into every conference call in the building. That's just the Browns way.

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