Golfpocalypse
I am a recent victim of golf snobbery, and I'm mad
Ronnie Kaufman
Golfpocalypse is a weekly collection of words about (mostly) professional golf with very little in the way of a point, and the Surgeon General says it will make you a worse person. Reach out to The Golfpocalypse with your questions or comments on absolutely anything at shane.spr8@gmail.com.
I'm not naive to the presence of elitism and entitlement in golf, but because I'm not rich and didn't play as a kid, I've never really encountered it in person. I worked maintenance at a private course as a high schooler, and it sucked, but the reason it sucked had nothing to do with the members ... turns out, it's not fun to push a mower around all day in the heat. As an adult, I have been blessed to mostly experience recreational golf in the most down-to-earth, democratic way possible—I even sometimes get comped to play nice public courses because of my job—and if anything, I'm the snob. A slow beginner hacking it around in front of me, on a weekend? Begone, peasant!
This past week, though, my good luck ended—the snobs got me. It was horrible, and I'm still pissed.
As background, I play out of Hillandale Golf Course in Durham, NC, a public gem with an amazing staff that is one of my favorite places on the planet. If you know a golfer who has spent any time living in the Durham area, ask them about Hillandale—I guarantee they feel the same way. It's full of great people of every kind...young and old, men and women, black and white. Personally, I like it so much that I'll sometimes work on my laptop in the clubhouse even when I don't have a tee time. Over the years, I've met a lot of friends there, and recently one of those friends decided to start an Interclub team. We all thought it was a great idea; we'd be in a pod of five clubs, presumably with a home-and-home match schedule and a chance to make the state playoffs. There were plenty of public courses in the Interclub league, and there seemed to be a mix of public and semi-private clubs in our local area. We formed our team, we paid our entry fee to the Carolina Golf Association, and we waited for our assignment. It never crossed our minds that something could go wrong.
Folks, something went wrong. I'm not the captain of the team, so I wasn't privy to every last detail, and I don't want to share too many specifics of the details I do know, but the short version is that some of the captains in our prospective pod decided that, plain and simple, they didn't want us. Maybe they didnt like the idea of playing a public course team, or maybe there's something about Hillandale in particular they find objectionable (it's not the chicken BLT, which is a masterpiece). A couple excuses were bandied about, but what is clear is that at least two of them vetoed our membership. Mind you, this is in a league with plenty of public courses; we weren't gate-crashers.
And once those captains said no? End of story. We were out.
Can you imagine?? They shut the door, and the CGA reaction was basically to shrug their shoulders; we had no recourse. You can read about the Interclub league here, where the CGA proudly notes that "the Carolinas Interclub Matches are a Carolinas-wide competition between CGA member clubs. 332 teams represented 136 member clubs in 2024, with over 5,100 CGA member golfers!" What you don't see anywhere is the fact that if a couple team captains—my interpretation—think you and your public course are beneath them, well...tough shit, pal. You're out of luck.
I'm no expert, but that seems like a bad and exclusive system to me. I played USTA tennis for years, which featured a similar mix of public court teams and private clubs—including a few really expensive private clubs—and while I'm sure the club teams weren't overjoyed at playing on city courts among the riff raff, they did it anyway because it was part of the price of playing in a USTA league. And you'll notice that the organization in charge was the one calling the shots, unlike the CGA which is apparently at the mercy of its most entitled members.
I am quite obviously mad at the captains, and have spent several hours in the past week dreaming up revenge fantasies where we beat the pants off them at their home course. (This will probably not happen because we aren't getting in the league, and also I'm not very good at golf.) Mostly, though, I'm mad at the CGA. You can't stop country club types from looking down their noses at the rabble, nor would I want to, but in a league like this with plenty of public participation, a governing body shouldn't cede them all the power.
Beyond my personal rage, it also sucks to come face to face with what feels like the kind of elitism that to this point I've only heard about secondhand. Yes, I'm fortunate to have made it this far in life without meeting the snobs, but now that the seal is broken, I've basically turned into Golf Che Guevara (Che Golfvara?) overnight. If they don't let us in the league, I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to turn all their courses into low income housing. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
FIVE TOUR THOUGHTS: GENESIS EDITION
1. Everybody in the golf world is in love with the handsome devil Ludvig Aberg, but let me tell you something:
Me too.
There's just so much to like. That sweet swing, the easy disposition (even...no, especially under pressure), the likable attitude. If this guy were American, he'd already be a superstar. He's one major away from blowing everyone's mind, and if he doesn't win this year, I'd bet anything that he at least comes very, very close. He's got a little bit of Viktor Hovland in him, in the sense that he has this natural charisma that makes you want to root for him, but he seems a little tougher and less volatile.
I have no idea what his real personality is like, but on the surface he pulls off that combination of intelligence, chill and selective intensity, with maybe a 1 percent hint of goofball in certain facial expressions. As an emerging foil for Scheffler, I think he's perfect.
2. On a side note, did you ever notice how all Europeans are older than you think? How on earth is Ludvig Aberg 25?? He just emerged last fall, and it felt like he was a month out of college when his name started popping up as a potential Ryder Cup captain's pick. [Checks calendar] My GOD, that was two years ago??? What is happening to TIME??
Seriously though, the last young European was Rory McIlroy. He was actually in his teens when he emerged. Everyone else that you think is 18 is at least 24, maybe because they all go to U.S. colleges starting at age 19 and stay for six years. The Hojgaard twins shouldn't be a day older than 19, but they're 23. Aaron Rai, who should be 23ish, is 29. Thomas Detry just won his first PGA Tour event as someone who couldn't possibly be older than 26, but is, in fact, 32. Tyrrell Hatton is probably 45 by now. It's an epidemic.
I ran this "theory" by my colleague Joel Beall, and he correctly pointed out an exception: Shane Lowry has been 37 years old for at least a decade. I would add that when I first started covering golf a decade ago, Justin Rose was approximately 39, and today he seems to be 34 at most.
3. Last week in this space, I wrote, "The latest sign of how good Scheffler is? It feels so weird that he just played two tournaments and didn't win either of them." The situation one week later has become absurd. Scheffler finished at 9 under, in a tie for third place, and here's what he said in his Sunday presser:
"I think I feel pretty bad about where I'm at...It's not easy to come out here and play competitive golf at a high level and get right back to where I was last year...I'm trying to give myself a little bit of grace and some patience kind of getting back into the swing of things."
It was a damn funeral! For third place! For $1.2 million! I have reached the conclusion that with these levels of expectation, which seem to be realistic for him, the golf world needs weird things to keep happening to Scheffler in order to keep the playing field level. Arrests, kitchen accidents, maybe next month he gets attacked by an escaped zoo lion or something. Whatever it takes.
4. There's something special about watching someone go on a putting heater like Maverick McNealy's at the start of his Sunday round. By the 11th hole he had gained something like four strokes on the field that day, and it reminded me of an article I wrote about the single greatest SG: Putting in the advanced stats era, from J.J. Henry at the FBR Open. I still love this quote: "And sure as shit, it was one of those days where the hole looked like an ocean." That day, Henry gained an astounding 8.36 strokes on the field, which is a full stroke better than anyone has done, ever. I mean, the dude hit 26-footers on 14, 15, and 17...three 26-footers in four holes! And he had two longer made putts that same round! Almost 20 years later it's still astounding, and frankly it's a record that feels unbreakable.
5. Since it's never too early to talk Ryder Cup, I love McNealy as a potential rookie captain's pick. Yes, a lot can happen between now and then, but the ability he's shown in the past year to get outrageously hot for sustained stretches feels like exactly the thing you want at Bethpage.
THE ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD LOCKS OF THE WEEK
Golfpocalypse is not a gambling advice service, and you should never heed anything written here. Better picks are here.
Career Record: 7-55. Tough look last week as my pick for the Chubb Classic on the senior tour finished third-to-last. But we're ready to get extremely hot this week.
Down in ole Mexico on the PGA Tour, I'll go with 75-year-old Rasmus Hojgaard to snatch a maiden PGA Tour win. At some point, we have to accept the reality that Europeans will win every event this year, so this seems like the prudent pick.
The women are in Thailand, and I'm going with hometown hero Jeeno Thitikul. She just won in Saudi Arabia, she's back on home soil and I believe her to be the second-greatest sporting Jeeno in world history, just ahead of Smith and just behind Auriemma.
At the Kenya Open, I'm going with Joe Dean, and it's exclusively because my colleague Jamie Kennedy and I sing his name to the tune of Dolly Parton's "Jolene" every time his name comes up. I could not pick the man out of a lineup, but I will remember his name until the day I die because of this stupid song.
THE "DUMB TAKE I KIND OF BELIEVE"
The Tour should play two consecutive weeks at every course, just because I want to see how the results differ between players under very similar conditions. If they just ran Torrey back this week, would Ludvig win again? Could Scheffler win two green jackets in April? Would anyone win and then miss the cut, or vice versa? Think how interesting this would be, and all it would take is ruining the entire Tour schedule.
READER EMAIL OF THE WEEK
I asked for your worst stories of golf course snobbery, and Ben delivered this "lose your faith in humanity" story:
I had the opportunity (or unfortunate opportunity) to be the president of a 550+ member private club in KY. I would say the club is mid-tier. A few high-net-worth individuals but most members work for a living.
In 2021 our area of KY had a tornado rip through, costing multiple lives and damage to countless homes and businesses. The club's back nine was significantly affected due to losing hundreds of trees, damage to buildings, damage to greens, etc. That happened in December. Within two weeks of that tornado, multiple members asked why we didn't have the front 9 open for play since it was only the back nine that sustained the most damage, all while power was out for most of our community.
Six months almost to the day after the tornado, the club hosted the KY State Amateur Championship. The golf course wasn't perfect, but the club's green staff worked tirelessly to get that golf course back in order. It was an amazing feat of hard work.
Fast forward again to that November when we hold our annual membership meeting. Nearly 30 members, all of older age, started a formal petition to allow access to the golf course on Mondays. (Mondays are normally closed for maintenance as are many private clubs in our area.) It was an unbelievable experience for someone like me who is younger than the average country club member. I still can't get over how disheartened I was those people's lack of appreciation of what the staff overcame throughout that year.
I bet those ****ers wouldn't let me join Interclub either.
Previously on Golfpocalypse:
Should the Tour just move to an F1 style schedule and be done with it?
I was the world's most annoying teenage golf maintenance worker
Can golf still be a spiritual experience in 2024?
There is nothing stranger than a golfer's brain...just ask us
I have the dumbest golf pet peeve, but I can't shake it
If you talk about politics on the course, please, for God's sake, stop
Loving Golf in 2024 is about finding where the money isn't
I believed in the magic of Tiger Woods when I was a kid, but I'm a cynic now
If you can enjoy playing golf alone, you have achieved Nirvana
I took 12 stitches to the head for golf before I even loved it
An annual 'Friends Ryder Cup' trip is the greatest thing in golf
Marshals at public golf courses need to get way meaner
I, and I alone, have the genius tweak to fix the Tour Championship
It cannot be fun to play golf when you're egregiously bad
Confession: I break clubs when I'm mad
Playing golf in bad weather makes me feel alive
Caring what other people think of your golf game is annoying to other people
Sympathize with Rory, because choking sucks