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What kind of sicko do you have to be to get “Boston Celtics - 2022 World Champions” tattooed on your body in March?

March 24, 2022

The Boston Celtics are on a roll. They're 21-3 since late January. They’ve taken down three of the West’s best in the past week alone, rocketing up the Eastern Conference standings in the process. The run, in concert with the lingering vapors of St. Paddy’s Day, have made it quite an interesting time to be alive in Boston, as evidenced by this upstanding citizen of the higher-education capital of Western Civilizationon Wednesday night. Folks, we sh*t you not.

It speaks to the median human intelligence level that this is far from an unprecedented occurrence. Overzealous fans have been permanently printing possible titles and potential draft picks on their bodies for years. This, however, is a God-tier example. The green wig. The fresh ink. The hi-def cameras and Dunkin' Midnight-fueled mania. It all comes together in a perfect storm of optimism and insanity.

Thankfully for this budding young Masshole, it wasn’t immediate buyer’s remorse. The Celtics blew out the Jazz by 28 on Wednesday, climbing even with the Bucks and Sixers a game and a half back of the top-seeded Heat, who have their own problems at the moment. Could this be the first months-early championship tattoo in the sports history to cash? Time will ultimately tell, but if we’re betting NBA futures, we’d way rather do it with cash than ink.