Killer Instinct
February 04, 2020

Apparently Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson by email the night before her birthday, is coldest blooded dude alive

US golfer and tournament host Tiger Wood

KAREN BLEIER

You probably know Tony Romo by the nice guy he plays on TV. "HERE WE GO, JIM!" he stammers excitedly before every three-and-a-half yard fullback dive he predicted before the teams even broke the huddle. Or maybe you know him from the celebrity golf circuit, where he can be found yucking it up with your favorite pros and the cast of Caddyshack 2 several times a year. He has a disarming smile and youthful enthusiasm. He's gracious with reporters and a glutton for preparation. There's nothing not to like . . . unless of course, your name is Jessica Simpson and Romo once called off your two-year relationship via email on the night before your 29th birthday.

Don't believe it? Couldn't happen? Not the Tony Romo you know and love? Well, according to this excerpt from Simpson's new book, er, Open Book, it just might be.

“[Tony] accused me of seeing John behind his back. I hadn’t cheated on Tony at all, but I could not lie and say I hadn’t even seen him,” Simpson recalled. “Tony didn’t believe that for a second. And within that second, he broke up with me right there. Two years, gone with an email. Tony soon realized I was telling the truth. Of course I didn’t cheat on him. But our breakup had been so ugly that it shocked me into realizing it had been necessary.”

That, folks, isn't just cold-blooded—it's in a cryofreeze tank deep in a secret government lab beneath Antarctica. It's Mr. Freeze crossed with Killer Croc for all you Batman fans in the audience. It is the best story we've read this week and maybe even this year. Perhaps you think less of your cute, cuddly Romo bear because of it, but personally, this only confirms what we suspected all along: This dude is the FREAKING man. OK, so maybe the trust issues could use some work, but that's nothing a little therapy can't fix (and come on, what man alive wouldn't be threatened by John Mayer?)

The real question for Cowboys fans, though, is where this killer instinct went in the playoffs when it mattered most? I mean, does this seem like the kind of dude who could go cold turkey on prime Jessica Simpson and never look back?

Oof nevermind. Rhetorical question.

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