Oakland Raiders Putter
The Raiders? Really? Maybe if it were a Seahawks putter (Seattle-area native here), or a Redskins putter (how can you not like RG Three-Sticks?). But the Raiders? $59.99nflgolfstore.com
I'd Rather Be Golfing T-Shirt
Golf is not a verb, whatever your dictionary says. It's a game. Same as baseball is a game. No one says, "I'd rather be baseballing." Don't show your ignorance. Instead, if you must, find a T-shirt that says, "I'd rather be playing golf." $18.95zazzle.com
50 Pencil Display Wall Unit
Logo golf balls fine. Pencils? Not. Besides, we suspect that the whole system would begin to break down the first time you can't find a pencil to take a phone message and reach for one from your wall unit. $29.95golfcircuit.com
Golf Cart Graphic Neckwear
Nothing against ties, other than our aversion to wearing them. However, everyone knows ties are Father's Day gifts. Hold off and buy your dad this in June. He'll be thrilled. $39.90zazzle.com
Personalized Memorial Tournament Leader Board Print
His (or her) name will never appear on a real Memorial Tournament leader board. They will never be tied with Mickelson or trailing Woods by one. They will never play Muirfield Village Golf Club. They will never meet Jack Nicklaus. Sorry to disappoint. $126.49printamentals.com
Golf Ball Soap
If someone actually would appreciate this gift, maybe it ought to have a string attached so it can be called golf ball soap on a rope for a dope. Just sayin'. . . $6.50vat19.com
Golfer Fork Art
Eating utensils as art, given as a gift? Have a good time with that. $24.99worldtohome.com
Hockey Stick Putter
The perfect gift for a golfer whose putting stroke resembles a slap shot (Can you say "Happy Gilmore"?). Just don't let them anchor it. $115hockeystickputters.com
Jingle Balls Men's Pants
I applaud Loudmouth Golf for its success with its colorful attire, and John Daly is eccentric enough to pull it off, but who do you know that would be willing to wear something called Jingle Balls Men's Pants? $95loudmouthgolf.com
Porsche Golf Bag Trolley
This must be some trolley, given a sticker price of nearly $800 (golf bag sold separately). Then again, doesn't a Porsche always have a high resale value? $790.95eagleday.com