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Scottsdale police remind drunken idiots that water hazards at the Waste Management Phoenix Open are not for swimming

February 08, 2023

If you’re a member of a Phoenix-Scottsdale-area police department, this is your busiest week of the year. Not only is the Super Bowl and its 300-ring circus in town, but the ever-raucous Waste Management Phoenix Open returns to TPC Scottsdale with its newly “elevated” status in tow. Organizers are making an effort to reign in the more chaotic aspects of golf’s most infamous frat party this year, but judging by this tweet from Scottsdale PD on Wednesday, expectations on that front aren’t exactly booming.

Listen, we know it gets hot in the desert. We also know there are no gators to worry about in Arizona, but we’re on the cops’ side on this one. If you really need to get blackout and go skinny dipping this week, save it for the Motel 6 pool, preferably after midnight. The risk of a staph infection is probably higher, but you’re way less likely to spend the night in jail wearing nothing but state-issued bath towel.

Jokes aside, there’s something almost comforting about all of this. We understand this weekend isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (or Coors Light, as it were), but given all the upheaval in professional golf the past 12 months, even the stiffest suits have to admit that it’s good to see the Phoenix Open is still just as crazy as ever.