Not that you know or care, but on Sunday evening, the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and Winnipeg Blue Bombers will face-off in the 107th playing of the Grey Cup, AKA the CFL Super Bowl. Airing opposite Patriots-Cowboys south of the border, it's tough to imagine too many red-blooded American football fans tuning in to ESPN2 for the frosty football spectacle. If they do, however, they will no doubt be treated to the story of Chris Matthews—a die-hard Winnipeg Blue Bombers fan who made a bet ahead of the 2001 Grey Cup that if the Bombers didn't win, he wouldn't wear long pants until the next time they did. It's been 18 long, cold years since that wager...
If this isn't the most Canadian piece of content you've consumed since Dudley Do-Right, then frankly we don't know what is.
"It's not like I'm really ootside," Matthews explains. "If I have to go ootside and shovel snoow, then I'll put long johns on over tup of that."
Despite Matthews' matter-of-fact approach to lunacy, however, his partner Darla is the true star of this tale.
"I thought it would be over before anything stupid," she tells reporters, pausing for dramatic effect. "But it wasn't." "There are places we can't go to, like a nice restaurant," she continues, the rage simmering like a pot of good chili. "We have been walking down the street when it's been very cold, and I have a fur coat and he's in shorts, and people stare, and I just assure them that, yes, he's an idiot."
Folks, let's all take a moment to say a prayer for poor Darla. She's been through a lot.
In case you were curious, temps at kickoff in Calgary on Sunday should be topping out at a balmy 30 degrees with an 11-mph wind out of the northwest. But despite the risk of amputation, Matthews doesn't expect a Bombers win to change things much.
"I'll put 'em on for a day to say that I did," says Matthews, gesturing to a pair of toasty-looking camouflage pantaloons, "But then I'll go back to wearing shorts anyway."
In these divided times, it's good to see that no matter the borders, the culture milieu, or the literal definition of the game, Football Guys™ still speak the same language.