Democracy Triumphs
November 04, 2020

Tiger Woods gallery costume wins Halloween Golf Costume of Year after final mail-in tally

Due the COVID-19 pandemic, this past weekend saw Halloween come and go in unprecedented fashion. The streets were quiet, the costume parties had elbow room, and the Reese’s cramps hit many of us, mercifully, in the private of our own homes. The subdued scene, while a pleasant surprise for the haters and curmudgeons among us, wreaked havoc on Halloween Golf Costume of the Year voting. In a typical year, balloting would have concluded by Sunday morning, and a victor sworn in by the afternoon. But this year, with thousands of mail-in ballots flooding Halloween polling locations across the country, results were delayed not just hours, but days, leaving voters gnawing finger nails and stale candy corn alike. Finally, though, after over 72 hours of uncertainty, we have our new King of Golf Halloween.

While many voters maligned the candidate, calling him “just another frat bro in a red polo,” his running mate, clad in traditional Augusta National caddie garb, and campaign staff (read: gallery), helped give him the edge needed in crucial swing states. Pundits also believe proximity to this year’s postponed Masters—and Tiger Woods’ long-delayed green-jacket defense—aided his election bid, despite badly misjudged FiveThirtyEight models.

In the end, despite unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud and repeated vows to dispute the result, however unconstitutional, by opposition candidates, voters turned out in record numbers and Halloween democracy triumphed once more. Now if only we could say the same about the presidential election . . .