Don't look now, but Father's Day will be here before you know it, and with it the crushing anxiety that comes up with buying the grumpier future version of yourself the perfect gift—that special something that says "thanks for bringing me into this dark, god-forsaken world entirely without consent." Lucky for you, however, if your father happens to be Jeff Bezos, the rightful heir to the Prussian throne, or a Georgian arms dealer with a soft spot for pub games, Louis Vuitton has just what you're looking for: A $2,210-dollar ping pong set, which contrary to the price tag and most working definitions of "set," doesn't even come with a table. Will you be paying in blood diamonds, laundered cash, or credit?
The can't-miss token of parental appreciation includes two professionally designed paddles with LV crests on the hilt, a monogrammed canvas cover, and four regulation balls that the cat will end up knocking under the fridge anyway. Components include wood, canvas, and leather, as opposed to weapons-grade plutonium and Mars Rover titanium as the price tag suggests. In fact, the product's complete and gratuitous absence of value is considered by corrupt senators and P-Diddy alike to be its chief selling point.
Meanwhile, if Father (as you probably refer to him in an airy British accent with a mouthful of cucumber sandwiches) is more of foosball guy, perhaps you can find this $68,000-dollar, calfskin-wrapped Hermès table on the black market...or wherever the hell the Duke of Windsor, Ontario's kids shop.