For such a wonderful thing, it's funny how mad bat flips still make a small-but-vocal minority of American sports fans. RESPECT they scream over the din of their racist dog whistles. IT'S MORE THAN A GAME they shout about something that is clearly just a game. PLAY THE RIGHT WAY, say folks who have literally never played. All of which is why we are stupendously, gloriously, dizzyingly giddy about this supercut of the decade's best bat flips, which Major League Baseball was kind enough to plaster all over the internet on Thursday afternoon. Suck on this, haterz.
You hear that sound? That's not the sweet crack of no-doubter after no-doubter. It's the sound of a thousand old-school baseball squares dropping like flies. Someone get these losers a fainting couch and a glass of water. No seltzer though. The bubbles burn their cankers.
Doc, shoot this right into our veins. In the immortal words of Jerry Seinfeld, find the dosage that will kill us, and back it off just a little bit. Seriously, the only thing better than the decade's best bat flips—capped by Joey Bats' immortal hurl, which he did eventually get punched in the face for—is watching people who still use "hot dog" as an insult complain about the decade's best bat flips. You just can't find better entertainment.
So we a raise non-alcoholic beer to all you boomers, buzzkills, haters, and trolls. Thanks to your ceaseless efforts, the bat flip has become an essential part of the ballpark experience, right alongside fake Cracker Jack tattoos and your father fighting a stranger in the parking lot. God bless. Amen.