Fantasy football season is wrapping up and CFB pick 'ems are all but picked. If you don't play NBA daily, it's going to be a long, cold, stakes-less grind until those March Madnezz brackets drop. Thanks to the good folks at ABC, however, there is one more option in case you, fellow degenerate gambler, get really, really, really (REALLY) itchy between now and spring:
The officially sanctioned Bachelor Fantasy League, which I now have to learn all about for the purposes of this article ohmygodwhathaveIdone?
Thankfully—and perhaps unsurprisingly, given the target audience—the BFL rules are pretty simple: Each week, League officials will present players with several hypothetical scenarios, such as who will be the first girl to cry in a Tahiti hot tub while drinking high-end champagne? Players then pick the 10 Bachelorettes they think are most likely to star in said situations that week, earning roses for each correct start. For the first four weeks, lineups are comprised of 10 Bachelorettes, with that total reducing on an episodic basis after week five, when the most obvious red flags start getting sent home. Lineups lock Monday nights at 7:59 p.m. You do not need to carry a defense.
If the simulated romantic fate of former NFL player/26-year-old virgin Colton "Fake Name" Underwood isn't enough to keep you plugged in week over interminable week, ABC is also ponying up a grand-prize trip to LA for the taping of The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose tell-all special. Or you could watch God Friended Me instead. Make no mistake, America. This is a hostage situation.
Season seven trillion of The Bachelor premieres Monday 1/7 at 8 p.m. ET, so make sure to have your lineups locked and loaded by then. Oh and remember, loser has to get Colton's face tattooed on their face.