The Tennessee hogmolly who admired his own puke and stunned Alabama won the college football weekend
Ultimately, the entire University of Tennessee won the college football weekend, its football program FINALLY beating Alabama for the first time since 2006. Another way to phrase it -- the first time in the Nick Saban era.
The "Third Saturday in October" is recognized as one of the best rivalries in college football, but it had become so incredibly lopsided that it was actually getting sad to watch Volunteers fans get their hopes up year after year only for them to be crushed, usually in blowout fashion. Prior to Saturday's epic 52-49 victory, the closest UT had come to toppling the Tide since 2006 was back in 2009 when Alabama won a 12-10 squeaker on a Terrence Cody blocked field goal. There was also 2015 when the Vols only lost 19-14. Outside of those two instances, Bama won every matchup since '06 by two touchdowns or more.
But then came Saturday October 15, 2022, when bonafide Heisman candidate Hendon Hooker threw for 385 yards and five touchdowns in a shootout that ended with a Tennessee field goal as time expired, which produced some absolute scenes in Knoxville:
We could post 100 more of these but we'd be here all day. In fact, there will probably be more content to come in the coming week. If there was ever a time for a five-to-six day party, it's after beating Alabama for the first time since George W. Bush was president.
The true turning point in this rivalry did take place during the game, when Tennessee offensive lineman Jeremiah Crawford projectile-vomited, stared down at it, and then began nodding at the Crimson Tide defense as if to say "yeah, I did that. What are you gonna do about it?"
There will be books writte about this yak sesh. It could be the hurl that changed everything in this epic rivalry.
(In this section, we give out helmet stickers to those who *almost* won the college football weekend)
Five helmet stickers: The poop horse
Little puke and a little poop to kick off your Monday morning. And yes, in case you were wondering, this caused a delay in Friday night's Navy-SMU tilt:
Must have been taco night in the stables. Maybe don't run the horse across midfield in the middle of the third quarter next time? Just a thought.
Four helmet stickers: Kahleil Jackson
Normally, we'd give Kahleil Jackson zero helmet stickers, or negative helmet stickers, for an infraction such as the one he committed Saturday evening. But we actually have to tip our cap here to Kahleil for the content:
For those unaware, this came from Jackson's Instagram, though he only sent it out to his "close friends," which is what that green icon with the star indicates. "Close friends" are just, quite literally, people you deem to be your close friends on Instagram, and only that group of people could see this image that Kahleil posted. Unfortunately for Kahleil, one of his "close" friends is not as close with him as he thought, because the only way this made it to social media was by one of his close friends screenshotting it and sending it out to the masses. Can't trust anybody in these internet streets. Kahleil will now be in the transfer portal in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...
Three helmet stickers: TUNNEL SHENANIGANS!!
Man, that is the GOOD stuff. Nothing gets the blood flowing like barking at each other like a bunch of dogs in a packed tunnel that two teams probably shouldn't be crossing paths in but it happens on "accident." Clearly, these shenanigans benefitted Michigan, who came out and trounced Penn State 25-3 in the second half to win 41-17. Statement made.
Two helmet stickers: Lane Kiffin
Remember when Tennessee fans threw all kinds of sh-t at Lane Kiffin last year, including a mustard bottle and a yellow golf ball, when Ole Miss rolled into Neyland and beat the Vols? Even if Kiffin jilted them for USC years ago, it was still no excuse to throw stuff that could actually cause harm at the guy. In typical Lane Kiffin fashion, though, he's letting bygones be bygones. Here he was on College GameDay Saturday morning when asked if he had anything to say to the Vols fans (Kiffin's Ole Miss squad was playing Auburn at home):
Smart man. All is forgiven ... for one entire week. Should Ole Miss and Tennessee meet in the SEC title game in December, a distinct possibility at the moment, all will not be forgiven once again. But for now, Kiffin and the Vol faithful are singing kumbaya. He even came armed with postgame memes:
People will say Lane needs to grow up and that this is just asking for bad karma. Those people are absolute idiots. Get the hell off the tracks when the Lane Train is coming through, and mark your calendars for November 12 when Ole Miss plays Alabama at home. Going to be a scene.
One helmet sticker: This male cheerleader from Utah
Hamming it up for the camera or does he just bring this energy at all times. Probably a little bit of both. No one is mad about it. Utes win. Utes make history. Everybody in Utah better bring that type of smoke the rest of the year.