Magic Man
September 25, 2020

Ryan Fitzpatrick flaunting his chest hair on live TV is your sports highlight of the night

Thursday night was loaded with SportsCenter top-of-the-Top-Ten contenders. Jamal Murray went Air Jordan. LeBron logged another crucial postseason swat. Vladdy Jr. hit a Buffalo bomb to help the Blue Jays clinch their first postseason berth since 2016. Like we said, plenty of highlights to go around. But none could hold even a flickering nub of a candle to Ryan “Fitzmagic” Fitzpatrick, who showed up to his victorious post-game interview on Thursday night in a half-buttoned-up Hawaiian shirt tucked into white joggers, flaunting his chest hair loud and proud for the thirsty—nay, PARCHED—men and women of America. Witness the magic.

Swagger, game, pull, chutzpah. Whatever word you use, this is it. “I hid it for a long time,” says Fitz of his chest mane, “but then I realized it’s an important feature of who I am. So for all the ladies out there, I’m taken, I’m sorry. And for my wife, get the kids to bed, it’s getting late.”

Remind us again: Tua who?

Fitzpatrick did more than talk the talk on Thursday night, however, he also walked the walk, going nearly the entire first half without an incompletion while the Dolphins jumped out to a 21-7 halftime lead in the Florida 95 Bowl. In the third quarter, facing third and goal from the two, Fitzmagic channeled his inner Csonka, taking the QB draw up the gut for what was effectively the game-clinching touchdown. The socially distanced Jaguars crowd may not have gone wild, but Fitzpatrick lost his ever-loving mind.

In the end, Fitzpatrick finished 18-20 for 160 yards, two touchdowns, and no picks, good for a frosty QB rating of 133.3. But it won’t be the numbers Thursday night is remembered for. It’ll be that sweet, sweet, luscious man rug.