Fitzmagic
May 21, 2020

Everybody go home, Ryan Fitzpatrick just won quarantine

On Thursday, Miami Dolphins quarterback, Harvard-educated journeyman and part-time wizard Ryan Fitzpatrick—known to some within the realm only as “Fitzmagic”—gave a FaceTime interview. About what, we honestly don’t know (OK, about mentoring Tua among other things, but just let us do our aloof cool-guy thing here) but we are certain of this:

Ryan Fitzpatrick just won quarantine.

While the rest of the world threatens to storm the Capitol Building because they can’t get their sides touched up, Fitzmagic went Gandalf, teleported off to conquer extraterrestrial worlds, and still made it home in time for his Zoom call. Let’s hit the enhance button a few times if you’re still not grasping how incredible this is.

Whoops. A little too much zoom there. Anyway, kudos to Fitz, Brooks, Wolff, and all the other folks out there keeping their follicle upkeep safe and, most importantly, weird this quarantine. If you can’t let your freak flag now, then maybe it's time to admit you don't have a freak flag to fly.

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