Good news, America! Something kind of, sort of resembling football is back! On Thursday, the Denver Broncos and Atlanta Falcons will face off in the 2019 Hall of Fame Game, AKA the most polarizing football game of the year. On one hand, it marks the long-awaited return of football, and we football zombies MUST EAT FOOTBALL. On the other, it has all the entertainment value of a knee-brace informercial designed to prey on the elderly. So what should we, as conscientious American consumers, do? Should we submit to our basest urges or break free from the tyranny of pre-preseason football? To answer that eternal question, we turned to humanity's most time-tested decision maker for guidance: the pro-con list. If it's good enough for Jenny pep squad, who has to decide whether to accept Rex or Jason's homecoming invitation by Friday, then it's certainly good enough for us.
PRO: Football is back!
CON: Well, technically Thursday Night Football, which, in case you've forgotten, looks something like this...
Whoops, sorry! Wrong link. I meant this.
BONUS CON: More Joe Flacco.
PRO: You can scout Julio Jones before your fantasy draft.
CON: Actually nevermind.
PRO: You never know what could happen!
CON: Sometimes the game won't even happen.
PRO: Vic Fangio seems to be taking it seriously.
CON: Lol, just kidding.
PRO: Rematch of Super Bowl XXXIII.
CON: Super Bowl XXXIII makes Super Bowl LII look like Super Bowl XXXVI.
PRO: The most meaningful game Bengals fans will see in their home state all year.
CON: Bengals fans.
PRO: The season's first Collinsworth slide-in!
CON: The rest of Chris Collinsworth.
PRO: Getting to watch the next generation of NFL icons don their gold jackets for the first time.
CON: Having to listen to that stupid "welcome to the Hall of Fame" song over and over again until it burrows into your skull like a boll weevil and rots your brain from the inside out.