Gotta Be the Bengals

Season ticket holder suing Bengals after slipping in vomit and nuking his shoulder

February 26, 2019
NFL: DEC 23 Bengals at Browns
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There are few constants in this life. Change, sure. Death and taxes too. But don't forget the Cincinnati Bengals, who, even if the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, are still eventually, invariably going to Bengal. Don't believe us? That's fine. You don't have to. Just listen to Bengals season ticket holder Scott Poston instead, who is now suing his beloved franchise after slipping in a solution used to clean up vomit at Paul Brown Stadium on October 14th and blowing his shoulder to smithereens. Sources close to the situation say there's never been a more succinct encapsulation of Cincinnati sports in recorded history.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, the situation was one big hygiene nightmare. While attending the game—a 28-21 loss to the dreaded Steelers—with his son, Poston took a break from the scintillating Bengals football to use the restroom. Unfortunately for Poston, upon entering the stall he stepped in a puddle of D-Vour, a sort of vomit litter used to soak up choked-up Skyline Chili, slipping and injuring his shoulder. After visiting a doctor the next day, he was diagnosed with tears to three rotator cuff muscles, a dislocated bicep, and other assorted strains, requiring full reconstructive surgery.

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The suit alleges that the D-Vour powder, which is supposed to be applied in small amounts and cleaned up a minute later, was used incorrectly and never cleaned up, leading to puke dirt being tracked all over the bathroom. Making matters worse, it was also a cold and rainy day, as they all are in Cincinnati we assume. According to court documents, the Bengals told Poston the county is, in fact, liable for his slip, which, if true, means Poston will end up paying for his own suit via taxes. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the true Bengals fan experience in a nutshell.

Joe Robbins
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