Good news, Raptors fans: You're NBA champions. I have no idea what that's like, but it probably feels pretty good. Bad news: No one is sure whether or not NBA Finals MVP and shiny new T1000 model Kawhi Leonard will be back next season. Right now it's time to party, but by next week reality will set in, a fact not lost on this Raptors fan—now known across the internet as "Plant Guy"—who decided to get a jumpstart on the latter while enjoying the former last night.
If you're wondering why this very intoxicated human is running around downtown Toronto with a large, freshly uprooted shrub asking police if they've seen Kawhi Leonard, well, the answer, as it turns out, is simple: He wants to give Kawhi a housewarming gift because let's be honest, you're less likely cut bait on your lease if your bed isn't an air mattress and your coffee table isn't an U-Haul box.
"Have you seen him!?" Plant Guy ask his interviewer after mentioning Kawhi, forgetting momentarily that Game 6 was played 3,000 miles away in Oakland. Realizing the geographic issues with his question, he quickly rebounds (BOARD MAN!) turning to the camera, saying, "Well when you see him, tell him I've got a housewarming gift. Tell him I love him." When asked what kind of plant he's carrying, he replies "a Kawhactus," because obviously. The whole interview then concludes with Play Guy chanting "WE THE FOREST, WE THE FOREST, WE THE FOREST" before stumbling off into the sunset. It's A+ stuff across the board, and if Plant Guy isn't your new favorite human this morning, no offense, but we don't want to know you.
As for Kawhi—a 2-1 favorite to stay in Toronto as of Friday morning—someone please remind him that plants, unlike cyborgs, need water and sunlight.