I'm gonna level you guys: I've never slid to anyone's DMs for any reason. So perhaps I'm not the best person to be giving advice on the dos and don'ts of the hook-up hail mary, but I can say with some confidence, if you're going to make a pass at your city's most famous professional athlete, you should definitely double check to make sure you're not sending it to his pregnant wife instead. Just take poor Jordan for example, who tried to get all up in Bryce Harper's on-deck circle this weekend only to, uh, strike out in spectacular fashion.
Needless to say, this wouldn't have happened in D.C., where everyone lies, cheats, and steals for a living. When you bribe congressman 9-5, you're definitely not going to make these rookie mistakes off-hours. But Harper is in Philly now and, no offense, proud Philadelphians, but this pretty much tracks. Remember when you guys won the NFC Championship game and they had to grease the light poles with Crisco? Good times, good times.
The bulk of the kudos, though, go to Jay Harper, who still found time to clap back (and clap back viciously, we might add) despite expecting the couple's first child in a matter of months. The real threat, however, is Always Sunny in Philadelphia star Rob McElhenney, who has been laying the bricks of a Bryce bromance since March. If that game of catch ever materializes, there very well could be trouble in paradise.