Daddy's Home
Pedro Martinez trolled the New York Yankees back to the stone age following their ugly ALCS exit
Everybody hates the New York Yankees. You do. I do. Hell, this morning, after a limp four-game sweep at the hands of the Houston Astros, even Yankees fans do. For years, their sole perk was winning. Now they don’t even do that. But make no mistake, no one (and we mean NO ONE) hates the Yankees more than Pedro Martinez. Take it away, Petey.
As countless memes of Ben Affleck picking up his Dunkin’ delivery have proved, you can take the boy out of Boston, but you can’t take Boston out of the boy. Pedro is yet another prime example, twisting the dagger in the Pinstripes’ back live on basic cable after their supposed revenge series against the ‘Stros went terribly, horribly wrong.
“It’s not Big Papi anymore.” he says, face curling into the picture-perfect definition of a sh*t-eating grin. “It’s not me. Who’s your daddy? I want to ask New York.”
For now, there won’t be much of a reply. First of all, the Yankees reportedly used highlights of themselves losing to the Red Sox after taking a 3-0 lead in the 2004 ALCS as inspiration to mount their own comeback on Sunday. You don’t have the right to talk trash when your logic is that profoundly flawed. There’s also little argument to be had. The Astros, not Hal Steinbrenner, own the Yankees now. They own them in Houston. They own them in the Bronx. They own them while playing dirty and they own them playing squeaky clean. They’ve made four World Series since the Yanks last sniffed one. That’s the long, short, and medium of it.
Next year might be different. Maybe Aaron Judge comes back. Maybe they splash the cash for deGrom. Maybe Oswald Peraza solves their Isiah Kiner-Falefa woes. But for now, the paternity test is clear: The Houston Astros, 2022 AL champions, are New York’s proud papa.