Dirty Birds
April 08, 2020

New Atlanta Falcons uniforms confirm they will not only play like an XFL team this year, but look like one too

It's been busy couple of week's in the NFL's seamstress division. The Rams released their new identity to unanimous revulsion. The 2020 NFL Draft Hats arrived begging a very real question: What's worse, my comb over or this hat? Even the Buccaneers got in on the fun, dropping their updated look, which is just their old look from before they switched to that Blade Runner-meets-Casio alarm clock abomination back in 2014. Finally on Wednesday, it was the Atlanta Falcons' turn, revealing their new threads a day after their NFC South rivals in what can probably best be described as horrible timing.

OK, so to each their own, but if you think these are good, please GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW AND DON'T COME BACK. The drop shadow on the numbers is bad, the stripes up the side are worse, the "ATL" is embarrassing, the red pants a big no-no, and the gradient is the ultimate deal breaker. If you've ever wondered what your favorite Falcons player would look like if they wore their pants like your grandpa, just tune into Fox when they wear those this fall.

But seriously, to think we could have had these bad boys brings a tear to our eye.

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The good news? The black, Dirty Bird-era throwbacks will be returning for the 2020 season. The bad news? The Falcons could be as bad as they look this season. Todd "No Knees" Gurley is on a one-year prove-it deal. Julio Jones is past his prime. We can't even remember Matt Ryan's prime. The Saints will be the Saints and The Bucs also promise to be the league's most-improved team. Here's hoping it won't be Tank-For-Trevor bad (mostly because we'd hate to see the poor kid rocking these XFL updates), but we'll just have to wait and, unfortunately, see.