Three Billboards Outside Cleveland, Ohio. No, that's not the porn parody of this year's Oscar-nominated Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, it's what commuters on I-480 just outside Believeland woke up to on Monday morning...
A mysterious trio of advertisements designed to lure LeBron James to the City of Brotherly Love, the billboards—a back-handed power move by Pennsylvania's Power Home Remodeling—make their case with three simple selling points:
A new (literally) Big Three of Lebron/Simmons/Embiid.
The sultry allure of completing a process started by their fired GM who now teaches classes in Silicon Valley.
A hashtag, because this is 2018 and you have to have a hashtag.
When tracked down by ESPN's Darren Rovell, PHR co-CEO Asher Raphael had only this to say about the experimental use of company marketing funds:
"We're passionate about Philadelphia. We have an amazing city, it's the best sports town and it's an awesome place to live. We think the best athletes should want to play here."
While we're all for the hometown pride, it sounds like Mr. Rahphael might still be a little drunk from the Eagles Parade. Philly may very well be a, gulp, passionate sports town and an, er, awesome place to live, but at least the fans in LA don't throw empty Cheez Whiz cans at you when you go 4 for 10 from the line. So if you ask us, LeBron and his historically fragile ego have as good a chance of playing for the Cleveland Browns next year as the Philadelphia 76ers, but hey, if the Missus is still on you about redoing the upstairs bathroom, at least you know who to call now.