Hot dogs, cold Budweiser, and sweltering heartland bleachers that you can (and probably will) fry an Oreo on. There’s nothing more American than a ballgame...unless of course said ballgame is being played an ocean away under the shadow of Big Ben, as it will be this weekend for the MLB’s inaugural London Series. Pitting the Red Sox and Yankees—two of ‘Murica's most ‘Murican franchises—against each other for the first time on foreign soil, the MLB’s latest desperate attempt at relevance got us thinking: What would baseball look like if America had lost the Revolutionary War? As it turns out, totally different and entirely the same.
“Take Me Out to the Ballgame” replaced by “God Save the Queen”
Red Sox United swap “Sweet Caroline” for “Hey Jude”.
Yankees now Yankee Doodle Dandies
Gotta keep the colonists in line.
No more Mr. October or November
The best team over 162 games, as opposed to the team whose leadoff guy got hot down the stretch, wins the championship. Novel concept, I know.
Relegation now in play
Earl Grey and cucumber sandwiches served during tea-time stretch
Cracker Jacks are for peasants.
Links-style infields to reward ground ball hitters
The Gorse Bushes in foul territory are dead though.
Equally racist histories
This also applies to baseball.
Umps now have red cards
Joe West to require restock by the third inning.
Benedict Cumberbatch cast in Field of Dreams remake
He can’t be worse than K-Cos.
Pete Rose still a hero
Someone tell Pete there are more bookies than Starbucks in the UK.
No-Hitters now called “Nil-ers”
You're absolutely right Mr. Cumberbatch, that does have a nice ring to it.
Dingers still called dingers
On second thought, that’s already pretty British.