The Loop

Michael Irvin just went thermonuclear on 'First Take'...again

Screen Shot 2019-07-29 at 12.27.36 PM.png

Television is one of American culture's most important conduits. It helps us unplug and plug in. It gives us knowledge and helps us forget. It transports our nation's most pivotal moments—from the moon landing to the O.J. chase to the Seinfeld finale—directly into our shag-carpeted living rooms. It's dying, some say. Evolving, say others. But even in its advancing years, it continues to deliver iconic, unforgettable moments. The Red Wedding, the 2016 election, the 2019 Masters, and perhaps the greatest spectacle of them all...

Michael Irvin on First Take (you thought I was gonna say David Blaine, didn't you?)

The footage you see here is from last year, when the erstwhile Cowboys wideout joined ESPN's hottest take cauldron for a meltdown of Chernobyl proportions (speaking of TV, I heard that's pretty good too). In a matter of minutes, Irvin went from NFL icon to internet legend, shouting, sweating, convulsing, and sweating (did we mention sweating?) through a segment on a Monday Night matchup between the sub-.500 Cowboys and the sub-.500 Titans like he was giving birth to the most irrelevant baby on earth. When all was said and done and Irvin's life was officially out of danger, it practically waltzed into must-see TV canon.

Like all good things these days, however, a sequel was all but inevitable, and on Monday morning the First Take showrunners delivered, unleashing a froth-mouthed Irvin onto their Seaport soundstage to similarly devastating effect. Hazmat suits on and geiger counters at the ready, America.

Even Stephen A. Smith, who fears no man, straw or otherwise, was no match for the ferocity that soon engulfed him.

Screen Shot 2019-07-29 at 12.28.59 PM.png

Not to content simply scream about the Cowboys, however, First Take took the "bigger is better" approach to their sequel, expanding the MCU (Michael Cinematic Universe) to include fresh topics like the Cleveland Browns, Contenders or Pretenders?!...

...and Aaron Rodgers, God or Guy?!

Perhaps unsurprisingly, given the perspiration present in part one, all that work and no play made made Michael a very sweaty boy.

In the end, the sequel didn't quite live up to its predecessor—shocker, I know—but Irvin still put on a stent-bending performance that had all of sports Twitter dreaming of a weekly Irvin segment on First Take. Such a commitment could be potentially risky for Irvin, whose doctors have recommended less than three cardiac episodes a week, but then again, show business isn't for the faint of heart.