If you're shouting loud enough to make headlines on First Take—ESPN's premium shouting flagship for the better part of the last decade—then you really have to be going for it. We're talking gasket-blowing, larynx-spraining, howl-at-the-moon level stuff, which is precisely what Cowboys-receiver-turned-future-Fox-Sports-"personality" Michael Irvin delivered on Monday morning when he hopped on Stephen A. Smith's soapbox for a deep dive into a week nine matchup between the 3-4 Dallas Cowboys and equally electrifying 3-4 Titans. What was supposed to be shameless self-promo for an uninspiring MNF matchup quickly became Irvin's personal Chernobyl, sending sports Twitter running for its meme machines (and Irvin for a bottle of aspirin). But if you missed any of the insanity, don't worry. As always we're here to break it down frame-by-increasingly-excruciating frame, beginning with the full segment:
Definitely some good stuff in there, especially Irvin's assertion that today—a regular season game between two sub-.500 teams—is the dawning of "a new age" that will see the 'Boys reclaim their "proper spot among kings." But Game of Thrones cliches aside, the true breadth of this shit show can't possibly be seen in full-mo...
Now over to the fans!!!
Talent, how are we holding up?
And with every peak, a valley...
...A deep, dark valley.
Go sleep it off, Michael. With any luck, when you wake up tomorrow the Cowboys will have won the Super Bowl.