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Can You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking?

Miami’s new “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson locker room” looks absolutely wild

August 08, 2022

OK, before we say or do anything, let’s address the elephant in the room:

Hurricanes football is irrelevant.

We know that’s tough to hear, especially for those who grew up with the dynasties of the late ‘80s and early aughts, but The U has posted exactly one double-digit-win season since 2003 playing in arguably the weakest in division Power Five football. Upgrades need to be made across the board, from facilities to the field and beyond. It will be a long, arduous rebuild, but the good news is that with a little help from a benefactor known as The Rock, perhaps you’ve heard of him, the reclamation project finally seems to be underway.

That’s the Hurricanes’ new Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson locker room, named after the former Canes’ linebacker turned WWE superstar turned Hollywood box office phenomenon. As you can clearly see, the renovation immediately vaults the Canes toward the top of the CFP heap, eclipsing even LSU’s purple pleathered beauty. Each locker is personalized to the specific player with a light-up LED display anc omes outfitted with a hidden cleat compartment, retractable sneaker "fridges," cup holders, and cushioned leather seats, which fold down to reveal an item storage area behind. Not a bad consolation prize for going 7-5 in the ACC Atlantic.

Obviously the Hurricanes’ new locker room won’t automatically turn them into contenders, but new head coach Mario Cristobal has teased over $100 million worth of upgrades across Miami’s football infrastructure. Plus in today’s new NIL world, you no longer need to be good to land top recruits. You just need deep pockets, and with guys like Johnson in their corner, it’s safe to assume the Canes won’t be hurting for cash anytime soon.