You might remember Luis Suarez. No, not from leading the Barcelona line to a La Liga title this season (there's nothing particularly memorable about Barcelona winning, after all) but instead for his long, sordid history as the "biting guy." During the 2014 World Cup, Suarez was caught on camera following an altercation with Italy's Giorgio Chiellini in which he appeared to bite the Italian defender on the shoulder. Chiellini eventually produced the bite marks to prove it and Suarez's World Cup ended in disgrace.
The most shocking part of The Chomp Heard Round The World, however, wasn't the fact that it happened, but that it already had twice before, with Suarez also chowing down on Bransilav Ivanovic as a member of Liverpool the previous year and PSV Eindhoven's Otman Bakkal in 2010. Needless to say, the soccer world was prepared to muzzle Suarez for good.
But as it turns out, the only thing Suarez is better at than biting is scoring goals, and so he got a
second third fourth chance to make millions at a massive club, and he took it, thriving without incident for going on half a decade now. On Monday night, though, Suarez was back on his bullsh*t with the Uruguayan national team at the Golf Cup, first appealing for a handball on a save from the Chile goalkeeper (last time we checked, goalies are allowed to use their hands) before pleading with the referee to administer a yellow card to an opponent for tripping...a pitch invader. Seriously we couldn't make this up if we tried.
Clearly poor Luis was battling the ol' mental demons once again, but thankfully managed to keep his bicuspids holstered for the full 90. We applaud the newfound restraint and the drive defeat your opponent even if you have to lure them over a trap door that looks like astroturf, but come on, man. This is why Americans hate soccer and, in this rare case, we can't say we blame them.