In the proud Pantheon of Asshole Parents Brawling at Their Kids' Games (working title), Little League stands alone. It trumps UFC as the greatest parent fighting league on earth for people who shouldn't be parents. It makes hockey dads look debonair and Pop Warner pops polite. The only problem? Well, it ain't Little League season yet. Lucky for you and your blood lust, however, this week video surfaced of some Wisconsin wrestling parents going toe-to-toe and it more than sates our unsatable appetite for destruction. Let's get nuts, shall we?
Hoo boy, nothing gets the endorphins flowing like some white trash WWE, amirite? To be totally honest, though, we're only laughing to keep from crying, because this is some seriously sad stuff. Just look at this kid's face when he gets up from the mat and sees his mom pulling out another mom's hair with her glue-on nails. This one grainy screengrab fills me with so much rage that I almost understand what it's like to start a fist fight at a child's sporting event.
The footage itself is incredible, especially the reaction of the very large dude in the center of the shot, who responds to a little trash talk by literally trying to punch a woman in the face. So much for sticks and stones, bro. After that, mayhem invariably ensues and his wife takes over the woman punching while the youthful recreation presses on almost as if this is a weekly occurrence. It should go without saying, but we'll say it anyway: Parents unironically wrestling alongside their middle-school children is the Grand Canyon of stupidity—awe-inspiring, unfathomable, and jam-packed with knuckledraggers who have never seen the ocean.
So the next time some horrible something goes crawling across your TV screen, don't bother asking how we went so wrong. This is how. Shit like this leaves scars, scars create damaged people, damaged people get into fist fights at their kid's wrestling matches, and the cycle repeats. So ladies and gentlemen, if this is how you want to act, fine. No one can stop you. Stamping out idiocy is a game of cosmic whack-a-mole. Smack one on the head and two more pop up. But please, please, please, PLEASE. If you're the kind of person who just always seems to end up in fist fights in Burger King drive-thrus and once punched a mannequin at the Gap for checking out your girlfriend, do this impossible miracle of a space rock a favor, and use a condom.