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Kyle Kuzma airballed a tech free throw in front of the entire Warriors bench and then blamed it on an earthquake that didn’t happen

March 16, 2021

Think you had a lousy Monday? Maybe that $1,400 stimmy didn’t hit the account yet. Maybe you checked off week 53 on the ol’ COVID calendar. Maybe you had a project dumped in your lap, the dog puked, and you walked outside only to discover it was still 25 stinking degrees. All of that qualifies you for Crappy Monday status, but we promise you, short of an actual tragedy, nothing you endured can compare to the night Kyle Kuzma had at the office. GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING:

At this point we’d like to extend our thoughts and prayers to the entire Kuzma family. According to reports, after airballing a technical free throw on Monday, the Lakers forward's soul could be seen leaving his body and drifting up toward the heavens. His release from this mortal basketball coil was swift, albeit not painless, with the airball occurring directly in front of the Warriors bench, occupied by Draymond Green, of all people. Kuzma is survived by his supermodel girlfriend Winnie Harlow and husky, Snoh.

What remained of Kuzma’s physical vessel—responsible for a career 72.8% free-throw shooting percentage—did attempt to explain the whiff after the game, however, saying, “San Francisco had a magnitude 3.5 earthquake. S--t started rumbling. I don’t know. I got scared, and it went far off to the left.”

According to local geology reports, the nearest earthquake on Monday was a 1.2 magnitude grumble east of San Jose, nearly 50 miles away.

Just wait until Draymond hears about that one . . .